


only you for me

by artenon



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Confessions, Getting Together, Jossed, M/M, Permanent Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 16:17:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17532053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artenon/pseuds/artenon
Summary: A few months after Xehanort’s defeat, living in Radiant Garden with the others and working to rebuild the city, Riku faces his next great challenge: confessing to his crush.





	only you for me

**Author's Note:**

> coming back to my rikuroku roots for the kh3 hype!! this fic is definitely immediately about to be jossed, but i got it out before the NA release and that's all that matters.
> 
> this is my imagined post-canon world where everyone i want to be saved is saved and they all (for the time being) live in radiant garden :')
> 
> mentioned background isa/lea | axel/saix and vanitas/ventus

Riku woke up with the conviction that it was going to be a big day. Then he spent a moment reflecting on the fact that his life had somehow gone from a big day being the dawn of their final battle, facing down Xehanort and his dark vessels, to… confessing to his crush.

It shouldn’t be so surprising. They’d all known that life was going to be different after they finally defeated Xehanort—that was what they’d been fighting for. And yet somehow Riku hadn’t quite expected to be thrust so solidly back into mundanity.

It was nice, in ways. He’d always wanted to be a part of something great and important—wanted to _be_ great and important—and he’d gotten that. He was a Keyblade Master, whatever that entailed now. Yen Sid and King Mickey were still trying to figure out what place Keyblade wielders had in the worlds, if resurrecting old practices would bear another Xehanort. And he’d fought to save the worlds, a grander adventure than he could have ever dreamed of when he and Sora and Kairi first started building their raft.

But after so much fighting, so much pain, so much worrying if his friends were okay, would be okay, there was comfort in existing in a space where all their days had a predictable procession.

At the same time, did he deserve it? It was a thought he’d never voice out loud. He knew he’d immediately be shut down, but he couldn’t help but feel like he had to make amends for all the hurt he’d caused. Secretly, he thought he’d have to spend the rest of his life making it up. Fighting the good fight had felt like atonement. Handling the logistics of the reconstruction efforts in Radiant Garden while stuck in his apartment, slightly less so.

But this was veering into brooding territory, if he wasn’t already there, and this was supposed to be a day of action. Riku gave himself three deep breaths, and then he got up to face the day.

 

The ability to sense when someone was behind you was great when you lived in a universe teeming with Heartless and murderous Nobodies. It was distinctly less helpful when that reality had become a part of the past, especially when you were an awkward guy who was hyper-aware of your own awkwardness.

Riku was in the kitchen frying eggs when someone else came into the room. He braced himself for interaction, hoping it would be Sora, but no such luck. Sora definitely would have said something already and he knew Vanitas wasn’t in, so that meant it had to be Roxas.

Riku’s stomach clenched, but he didn’t say anything, and Roxas didn’t either. A chair scraped behind Riku, and neither of them said anything.

Riku added extra eggs to the pan, acutely aware of the pair of eyes watching him the entire time. He wanted to say something clever, or at least something normal, but he’d been quiet for too long. Saying anything now would just be awkward.

He finally turned to the table after putting two eggs each on two plates of rice. Roxas watched him from where he sat at the table, chin nestled in one hand. His eyes were wide and thoughtful, and Riku resisted the urge to squirm under the scrutiny.

“Can’t look away?” Riku said. “I don’t blame you.” It’d sounded better in his head while he was frying the eggs, but now, facing Roxas, he regretted the words as soon as they escaped his lips.

Luckily, Roxas got flustered easily, and this time was no exception. He turned his head away with a scowl, but not before Riku caught the pink dusting his cheeks, and his stomach unclenched in favor of flip-flopping wildly. His plan was to confess to his crush today, after all. Getting him to blush was probably a good sign.

He set the first plate down in front of Roxas, then went back to the counter for the second. He flexed the fingers of his left hand as he picked the plate up with his right. He wore a brace most days to keep from over-rotating his wrist, but it wasn’t hurting too much today. He probably could have taken both plates in one trip.

It probably wouldn’t have been a good idea, though. He was nervous enough as it was. If he’d tried carrying a plate in his bad hand and then dropped it, he might have never recovered from the shame.

Riku slid into the seat next to Roxas. If he sat across from him, he might have to make eye contact. He wasn’t ready for that right now. He wasn’t ready for that most days with most people, but especially not right now and with Roxas.

From the corner of his eye, he watched Roxas inch his plate closer to him. “So.” He cleared his throat. “Excited to finally be free from house arrest?”

“Vanitas was under house arrest,” Riku said. “Not me.”

No one had really known what to do about Vanitas, after everything. The way Naminé explained it, Vanitas hadn’t returned to Ventus because Ventus’s heart had healed and didn’t need him anymore; and because Vanitas had forged his own identity, like Roxas and Xion.

Vanitas himself claimed that he was only ever being used and lied to by Xehanort. After the others had agreed to give him a chance, Riku had been tasked with keeping an eye on him. Which meant he’d been more or less confined to the apartment for the past few months—until today, that was.

“Okay,” Roxas said. “So you’re free from house arrest.”

“Stop making me sound like a criminal.” Roxas snorted, and Riku paused to take a bite of food and also to gather his courage. “But yes. I’m excited.”

“Oh. You have big plans or something?”

Well. That was dependent on Roxas, but Riku hoped so. “Maybe.”

Roxas turned to face him. In his periphery, Riku could see the arch of his eyebrow.

“Really?” Roxas said.

“Is that hard to believe?”

“That you have friends to make plans with? Yeah.”

“Ouch.”

Riku raised a hand to his chest in mock offense, but Roxas was smiling a little now, and those were still few and far in between, so Riku accepted the insult to his person.

“No,” Roxas said, still with that small smile. “You’re just not really the social outings type.”

That was probably a fair assessment, but come on. Riku had barely been out of the apartment since moving in on account of watching Vanitas, only occasionally allowing someone to cover for him. Vanitas was his responsibility, after all, and he would never have forgiven himself if he messed up.

Maybe that meant he should have been more anxious about today. He’d woken up briefly to the sound of Vanitas leaving, so early the sky was only just beginning to lighten. No one else was awake, and he definitely hadn’t bothered to tell Riku where he was planning to go on his first day of freedom. But even before Riku had heard Ventus’s muffled voice across the apartment, he hadn’t been worried.

A part of Riku had always known Vanitas would be okay, ever since their first real conversation a couple weeks after moving in together. He’d asked how long they were going to keep him under house arrest. As long as it took to convince everyone that he was no longer a threat, Riku told him, to which Vanitas replied that it would never happen, so they should just put him out of his misery.

And then he’d said, “It’d probably do the worlds better if I was gone, anyway.” A quiet mumble, like a secret thought he hadn’t actually meant to voice. The familiarity of the sentiment had rung dully in Riku’s chest, and he knew then that Vanitas couldn’t be nearly as terrible as he believed himself to be.

“What’s wrong?” Roxas asked. “It definitely wasn’t what I said, because it’s true.”

Riku smiled, touched by the concern that he’d tried to cover up. They’d really gotten to know each other better than they thought they ever would, probably since Riku was stuck in the apartment and Roxas didn’t go out much except for the reconstruction shifts he would sign up for, and sometimes for ice cream with Axel and Xion.

At some point, Roxas had started bringing stuff back for Riku. Usually books, but one time he brought a small metal puzzle— “Lexaeus was always messing with one of these and I saw one at the store. I don’t know, it could pass some time?”

Riku didn’t think he could do anything so nice for Roxas, but he always made sure to keep the early afternoon slots open for him on reconstruction sign-ups. For all the grief he’d gone through, Roxas liked the routine life the Organization had given him—or, maybe not liked, but it was all he’d known, and he seemed to prefer it. Maybe, then, living here in this predictable procession with everyone wasn’t so bad.

If that was even what he really wanted, anyway. Sometimes Riku worried that Roxas only stuck around because he had nowhere else to go.

What was wrong, Roxas had asked, but Riku hadn’t been worrying about whether Roxas cared about him half as much as he cared about Roxas before he’d asked, so it didn’t feel disingenuous to say, “Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking that you’re not the social outings type, either. Besides eating ice cream.”

“I guess,” Roxas said. “I remember when we had our first vacation day in the Organization. I had no idea what to do. I don’t think I did anything. Even when we made plans to go to the beach, all I really wanted was for us to be together.”

That was all Riku had wanted too, in the end. For him and his friends to be safe and happy, together. How did that simple wish turn out to be such a big ask?

“We still hang out, of course, but now Axel and Saïx are together, and… Xion seems happy living with Kairi and Naminé, and I… I don’t know—”

“Goooood morning!”

Sora swooped into the room. He landed in between Roxas and Riku’s chairs and ruffled their hair with either hand.

Riku combed his hair back into place with his fingers. “Ugh, it’s too early for your energy.”

“Nope, it’s right on time. I have a shift at the bailey,” Sora said, as if Riku wasn’t the one handling all the sign-ups. “Have you guys got plans?”

“Uh.” Riku leaned away. Sora’s smile was sunny, but the intense, expectant look laser-pointed at him was anything but.

“Afternoon shift at the marketplace,” Roxas said. “Riku has maybe big plans, whatever that means.”

“Oh, reeeaaally?” Sora said. He was still looking straight at Riku.

Riku tried to sink into the collar of his shirt, to no avail.

“Well, look at the time,” Sora said without looking at the clock. “I gotta head out already!” He started for the door. “Good luck, Riku!”

“Eat breakfast!” Riku called after him, and Sora breezed out of the apartment with an ambiguous noise of acknowledgement.

Riku leaned back in his seat and regretted telling Sora about his crush on Roxas.

“Good luck with what?” Roxas said.

He _really_ regretted it.

“Who knows?” Riku focused hard on his half-empty plate. “Sora’s a weird guy.”

“Pots and kettles,” Roxas said.

“Axel has got to stop teaching you all these sayings.”

“But they’re useful.”

“They’re, like, half your vocabulary by this point.”

“Are you sure you want to open that can of worms?” Roxas said, straight-faced, and they looked at each other and laughed.

“Anyway.” Riku turned back to his food. “What were you saying before Sora…?”

“Oh.” Roxas was quiet for a moment. His fork clinked against his plate. “I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“Nothing you think or feel is stupid.”

It wasn’t as if Riku had the right to judge anyone anyway, but Roxas in particular had always had an honesty of emotion that Riku envied. It felt wrong when he clammed up.

“You can tell me,” he said.

Roxas sighed, and he took a minute longer before he spoke again. “Is this how you ever imagined your life would be?”

Which part? Not that it mattered. The answer would be the same regardless.

Riku chuckled. “Uh, definitely not. But it could be worse.” He couldn’t bring himself to turn his head, but he watched Roxas from the corner of his eye. “What about you?”

“I don’t know,” Roxas said. “I wanted so desperately to exist, but now I have a life and I’m supposed to do whatever I want with it, except I don’t know what I want.”

 _We can figure it out together_ , Riku thought of saying, or maybe even, _Spend it with me._ He swallowed and reined it back. “That’s okay. You don’t have to know what you want right now.”

“When I was in the Organization, there was a lot of stuff I didn’t get. Everyone told me I would understand when I had a heart again, but I don’t feel much different than when I was a Nobody.”

“Well,” Riku said, “you always were special.”

Roxas slammed his fist down on the table, and Riku flinched. “I’m not any special. Sora was always the one who—he’s the one everyone wanted.”

Riku’s stomach twisted. “That’s—” _Not true_ , he wanted to say, but wasn’t it? Sora hadn’t been chosen by the Keyblade, but he’d played a central role in all of this from the beginning, from the moment his newborn heart had connected with Ventus’s and saved his life. With his endless empathy, he was the only one who could save everyone, and he did. He was the reason all of them were here right now.

“Face it, I never would have made the cut,” Roxas said. “Sora gives his all to everyone, but I was always the most concerned about myself. It _had_ to be him.”

“I know,” Riku said. “I know. You’re not Sora. You’re you. It could never have been me, either, but that’s okay.”

It was okay. It wasn’t him, and it couldn’t have been him, and that was okay. Riku would beat down the old jealousy until it was true. There was a voice that still lived in the dark recesses of his mind, and it whispered, _I was supposed to get the Keyblade in the first place, I could have saved everyone, me._

He hated it, but he only believed those dark thoughts half-heartedly now, and that had to count for something. And Sora wasn’t infallible. Riku had seen him at the height of vulnerability, too, his self-confidence shattered as he wondered if he could really do this, if he was cut out for any of this, if everyone should be counting on him after all.

He remembered a dark beach and familiar waves. Sora had been ready to accept oblivion with Riku, then. The idea sat uncomfortable in him, and it was something he still had to work up the courage to talk to Sora about, but there was another part of that memory, too. Something inimitable about Sora, and something inimitable about Riku.

“There is something,” Riku said now. “Something only you could do. If you wanted.”

“Really? What?”

Riku closed his eyes. Shit. This was it. He opened them and turned to look at Roxas fully. “Go out with me?”

Roxas stared at him. “What?”

Riku had thought his question was pretty straightforward with only two possible answers, but Roxas had elected for a third. Riku wanted to go hide somewhere, but he forced himself to elaborate instead.

“Go out with me. On a date. This evening, after your shift.” Which he would join Roxas on, unless Roxas rejected him, in which case Riku was going to find somewhere to help out as far from the marketplace as possible. “If you want to.”

Roxas looked no less confused, a deep furrow in his brows and hesitance in his words. “Why me? I’m not… I mean, why not Sora?”

Really?

Riku brought a hand up and touched Roxas’s cheek with his fingertips. Roxas’s nostrils flared as he inhaled. Riku sought Roxas’s other hand and found it settled in a tight fist on his lap. Roxas’s fingers uncurled under Riku’s, and he cringed when he brushed against the rough material of the wrist brace.

“I hurt you,” Roxas said. “Badly.”

Riku looked at his hand. His grip was weaker and his wrist ached at times, but he didn’t dwell on it much. And he definitely didn’t blame Roxas for it. It wasn’t his fault it hadn’t healed right. It wasn’t even his fault that they’d fought.

“You were angry. And scared. And confused.”

“But…”

“Anyway, what do you mean, why not Sora? Weren’t you listening?” Riku rested his palm against Roxas’s cheek. “It could only be you.”

Ugh. Too cheesy?

But Roxas swallowed and his cheeks were pink and he just said, “Oh.”

Riku leaned in. “Can I kiss you?”

“Okay,” Roxas whispered.

Riku closed his eyes when their lips met. It was brief kiss, just a trace amount of pressure, and Roxas’s lips pursed beneath his, soft, and Riku pulled away with a quiet exhale.

“Okay?” he said.

“Yeah,” Roxas said. “I think… Um, I know what I want now.”

“Yeah?” Riku repeated with a small smile. “Sure you don’t want someone else? After all, I’ve hurt you too, a lot—”

“No,” Roxas said. He leaned back in. “Only you.”

Riku curled his hand around the back of Roxas’s neck. “Only you.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to [sarah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailurea) for the beta rush job!!!
> 
> if you like rikuroku please... talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/qorktree) _(:3」∠)_
> 
> thanks for reading, and see you after kh3!! :0


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